article 22. sex is sacred

Because I Said So
By Boots Ma. Garcia-Sison

(didn't want to wade into the same muck over the sex video scandal. didn't want to call people names ,too. hope i succeeded with this article.)

It was something my high school teacher told us, when we were but a group of very young impressionable teenagers, with newly awakened, raging hormones and with newly discovered, emerging sexualities. Most importantly, individually, we were all at the brink of having our very first taste of young love….and we were regaling our teacher with our singular experiences.

Which led her to make this very thought provoking statement.

What she said may have spelled the difference between us becoming promiscuous at a young age, or not. Maybe her words encouraged a lot of us into saving ourselves for our one true love, or again, maybe not.

But her words created such an impression on me.

And to this day, I voice it and I stand by it.

But don’t get me wrong. This article isn’t even about when one should have sex, whether young, old, single, married, etc.etc.etc.

The plain and simple fact for me is that the sanctity of sex stands by itself. It should be right up there with love, marriage, brotherhood, peace, morality, and everything else that should be given respect.

Of course we all know that both men and women have used sex as a weapon. Let he or she who is without fault cast the first stone.

I remember in particular one very worldly batchmate who even back then was already oozing with sex appeal. She had no compunction in using sex to get what she wanted with her boyfriends.

That was the first time I realized that literally and figuratively, sex does sell.

On a lighter vein, one aunt of mine even told me that a wife can withhold her husband’s marital privileges when he won’t see things the way the wife wants him to. My aunt even winked at me, whispering , have him realize that it doesn’t come with the territory. That it’s not a given. Hmmmmmm, I answered her.

(And we wonder why there is politics in the bedroom? As an aside, I must admit, I can never look at my aunt’s husband the same way ever again!!!)

Another male confidant of mine honestly feels that his girlfriends having sex with him is their only way of proving their love.

Huh?

That’s like holding a gun to someone’s head in my opinion, I told him. And even as he kept explaining that it’s a guy thing, I told him to his face that he is a Neanderthal, an idiot , immature and manipulative. He had the grace to look ashamed.

Sex figures in a major way in any relationship.

A lot of us take it lightly and use it as a crutch, a tool, an agenda, and when we do, we demean it and reduce it to the physical act.

We use sex as a crutch when we believe it to be some kind of a quick fix, a pick-me-upper, a means to be happy and feel good about ourselves.

This has some kind of scientific basis because we know that the physical act itself results in the body producing endorphins. Google endorphins in the web and you will read that they naturally help lower our stress levels , help boost our confidence,and can even calm the high strung and the angstsy among us. Remember that movie, Postcards from the Edge where Annette Bening’s character was talking to Meryl Streep whose role was that of a drug dependent actress-daughter of a fading star? Ms. Bening said something like how she loves getting that ENDOLPHIN RUSH, or as she laughingly corrected herself, ENDORPHIN. That was the first time I ever heard that word in a movie, but that is an example of how sex is used for instant gratification and nothing more.

Just to make you feel good. The whole point is you, your partner doesn’t even figure. End of conversation.

And don’t get me started on how sex can be a tool…the most important item on one’s agenda.

How many movie stars landed plum roles because of the casting couch? That’s sex at work again.

How many fat contracts are won in the boudoir ? You’re right , sex must have had a hand in a lot of them too.

But thankfully, without being smug or self righteous about it, we know that sex can be wonderful. Sex being the physical side of love enables us to make the intangible, tangible. Or vice versa.

It is precisely during these times when sex is treated as sacred does it become the most sublime expression of love.

As a married woman, rightly or wrongly I cannot help but speak of sex and love in the same breath. I totally believe that the purest kind of love is unconditional. It’s the love you give a baby. You have no expectations of getting anything in return, you just give it all you ‘ve got.

And unless you didn’t notice, pay attention to how that baby receives your love. With no qualms, no excuses, no doubts, no regrets. Taken totally at face value, completely, without question. That’s love in return.

And maybe that is the exact reason why sex is indeed sacred, it’s because love is in the picture. It’s only then that it becomes the most wonderful , uplifting , joyous union. It becomes a complete surrender of your self, it’s revealing your person at your most vulnerable, and you give---and get, total trust and commitment knowing fully well that your partner is as vulnerable, loving, trusting and committed as you are.

Poets and mystics have gone as far as saying that having sex and love is like seeing the face of God. My own husband simplistically says that the whole point to marriage is having children, a way by which we are blessed with the power to participate in God’s wonderful act of creation. (I took one look at him, and asked, who are you and what have you done with my husband ???  )

Which brings me back to my point: Sex is indeed sacred.

So sacred in fact that you do it to express your most profound feeling of love for another person.

So sacred in fact that you give yourself fully, completely, having no second thoughts nor doubts that the other person will keep the intimacy just between the two of you, and will never kiss and tell , never blab about your secrets or your weaknesses, and will never treat you as an object.

Sex is sacred.

It is the reason why it is the most intimate, private relationship , the most expressive way you can make another person feel your affection and love .Again, I cannot say it enough, it is a complete surrender of oneself, a testament of trust and commitment.

Debase it and you debase yourself.

And so far, the lowest form of debasement I’ve ever encountered is when just lately, someone ( or maybe there was more than just one person ) uploaded a supposedly sacred and private act on the internet--- for all the world to see, barring none, not even the young, the perverts, the holier-than-thou’s and the ambulance chasers. That person posted it and left it for everyone to ridicule, judge and ogle.

And only that person alone would know why he or she did it, whether to use it as a crutch, a tool, or a weapon. Certainly and obviously, it was not to make the point that sex is sacred.

I wonder if it’s too late for him (or her) to meet my high school teacher.

BOOTS MA. GARCIA SISON IS A WIFE, MOTHER, DAUGHTER, SOCCER GROUPIE AND ADVERTISING CREATIVE DIRECTOR , MORE ON SOME DAYS THAN OTHERS. IT WAS HER TWELVE YEAR OLD SON WHO THOUGHT OF HER COLUMN’S NAME. FOR COMMENTS, PLEASE TEXT 09205355053.